My novel, ‘Myself am Hell’, didn’t start its life as a depiction of life with obsessive compulsive disorder. My initial idea was three strangers brought together through a prank gone wrong, with profound repercussions for them all. However, it quickly became clear to me that my central character, Quentin, has OCD and his battle with the condition would be one of the central themes of the book. As someone with OCD, I quickly found that presenting the strain the condition places on a person’s mind in literary form was not only very challenging, but could also be insightful and rewarding for readers. The contrast between the raw and unfiltered contents of the running commentary in a character’s mind and the person the rest of the world sees and experiences in the works of, for example, Joyce and Faulkner had intrigued me for many years. I knew that with a first person narration I could get inside the mind of a young man with OCD and show what it is like to live with thoughts that have no basis in reality but which cause such discomfort that Quentin feels compelled to perform compulsions that, while they may provide some short-term relief, in the long-term only tighten the grip of the cycle of obsessions and compulsions.
I show how serious and how unpleasant the condition is, however I also show Quentin learning how to live with the condition and receiving support and strength from friends, family, and medical professionals. In the end, one of the main points of writing the book over several years was to to show that OCD does not have to rule the life of a person with OCD.
Better things for better living, but not through chemistry 